Why do people place great stock in being in a relationship? After all, wouldn’t it be an easier option to ‘go it alone’ in life, making your own choices, enjoying the fruits of your own labour?
Clearly there must be a great number of reasons to connect with another person towards creating a relationship that has potential longevity. For example, it may be to …
share the joy of engagement
appreciate the consistent support of another person
find trust in spending life with someone who ‘has your back’
identify a common vision for what can be achieved in life
spend time and energy with another human being
embrace the value in human connection from a trusted source
and so much more, in fact as many reasons as there are for sharing life in the first place, and always unique to each relationship.
In other words, the one key purpose that is shared by all teams is the need of each individual for the other.
In the examples above, and no doubt many more that you can suggest, without two people working together very little can or will be accomplished. The relationship itself cannot flourish if its ‘component parts’ – ie both partners– are not working in harmony based on trust that is created through the provision and acceptance of mutual personal value.
In nature, a major driving force is one of synergy and preservation. And this is no different for those in a relationship.
When either is missing the relationship will falter, and it can spiral downwards into a ‘mechanical state of existence’, and eventual possible dissolution.
Even relationships where one partner feels the worth of continuing when the other doesn’t can quickly follow the same pathway.
A question to ponder – there are over seven billion of us living on this planet at this point in time. Why is it they can’t get along, but our bodies have around seven trillion cells within them and, for the most part, they all get along. Why? How?
Consider this analogy …
One person > one cell
That person in a relationship > one organ
The relationship as a functioning entity > entire body
All cells in the human body have their own specific purpose, or reason, for being there, and when each cell is doing what it is meant to do it is contributing to the overall health of the body, and in so doing adds value to the body … and … it is the same for a relationship.
The invisible thread holding a relationship together
So, if we all have a ‘purpose’ behind being in a relationship, why do we occasionally stumble? What can disrupt this purpose and cause us to feel disengaged … to cause our ‘cells’ to be dysfunctional?
Every relationship. Whether recognized by either partner or not, has an invisible thread that determines its performance.
Everything links to this thread. Just as our thread of health extends beyond our body to the food we eat and our environment, the invisible thread that brings and holds together any relationship.
No matter how hard a couple might work to ‘get it right’, if this thread is damaged or broken, both individuals’ efforts will be wasted.
When the thread is whole, the relationship will naturally hum with energy and excitement. Success is achieved with little effort. It is very obvious to see a relationship that is connected in this way and one that is not.
This idea of a thread binding your relationship together may sound complex, but it can be very simple. It is about taking the complex challenge of personal and relationship performance and simplifying it through identifying what is important to each person. It is about creating transformational results rapidly, and sustainably … or put simply, making this invisible thread visible and therefore real and tangible.
This invisible thread, a term originally coined by Roger Hamilton, can be defined quite simply as ‘sustainable trust’. When one individual has trust in another individual, they are delivering a value that has a thread that continues from the past into the future.
When this invisible thread that exists within each partner in a relationship and the relationship itself is energised and encouraged, the magic grows and each partner can share a sense of momentum and ongoing confidence. When the thread thins out or begins to disintegrate the magic that fires the relationship up can dim and even petty problems can become insurmountable obstacles to overcome.
Sustainable Trust can be developed and maintained a number of ways, such as trust in the reliability of a person, in their ability and willingness to put the other person and the relationship first, to be supportive and so on.
As individuals in a relationship we reach our peak performance when excelling in the area we build trust most naturally in, and having our partner to support us in the areas where building trust is more of a challenge for us.
To illustrate this, think about the greatest challenge you are facing (or have had to face) in a relationship. For most of us, our initial tendency when facing a challenge would be to simply try and fix it by intuitively using our strongest areas of trust in the other person.
Unfortunately, such actions may lead only to a temporary ‘fix’. That is, they may well provide relief and a solution in the short term, much like a band aid on an infected wound, but most likely will not be sustainable – ie the issue will most likely reoccur again.
This temporary trust can be lost at any moment. And, it has the potential to generate increased stress within the relationship and cause the performance of that relationship to falter and even decrease, which of course can in turn further exacerbate the original issue/concern.
A relationship that recognises and enjoys the value of each partner and of the relationship itself will flourish even in times of temporary disruption … because of the trust that has been built and continues to be maintained.
More so, a relationship that can enhance and transform this value towards creating ongoing mutual trust, harmony and overall heightened productivity has the potential to grow to even greater heights again, and experience ongoing satisfaction, not just for itself and both partners, but for associated family members, friends and even work colleagues.
We will leave you with a challenge.
Find a quiet spot away from others and conduct a little brainstorming focused on your relationship. Perhaps you could even jot down such things as …
why did you ‘choose’ to be with your partner what gives you the greatest satisfaction from being in the relationship
how much time you spend together
what is your shared vision for your future
what makes each day with your partner so rewarding.
You get the idea … you are exploring your relationship for as many angles as you can. But remember, this is difficult task, because you are part of the relationship, meaning it can be difficult to be removed from feelings.
If each of you can take the time to complete such an activity, and then discuss what each of you ‘discovered’ about the relationship, you have potentially created a whole new level of shared awareness and appreciation, for the relationship and each other. You have opened the way to even more relationship happiness.
A word of caution, however. Not all couples can or will find success with this type of activity.
Sadly, many relationships will choose to steer away from this shared learning, and continue down their own rabbit hole of relationship destruction.
And that is okay too. Each relationship must choose, accept, and embrace its own ‘life’ in whatever manner that may present as … and accept the consequences.
So, how healthy is your relationship? Better question … what are you prepared to do to grow its health and embrace ‘relationship longevity’?
Want to learn more about how you can grow your relationship’s long-term success?
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